One second it was perfect, now you’re halfway out the door.

by Justin

Before your visit, we had agreed on spending time together: playing house, staying in, watching shows on Netflix etc. I was very excited and you were looking forward to it as well—then it went south.

Meeting you for the first time was all I had hoped for. I loved your facial hair and your being hairy all over. You looked exactly like your pictures which made me very happy. I liked how you talk in your native Davao-Tagalog tongue, how you casually insert “gud” and “gid” in your sentences. I loved how you kissed me, how gentle you were, and passionate and electric it felt at the same time. I liked the way you embraced me too tight but I didn’t feel uncomfortable or crushed in your arms.

I loved that on our first day, I felt the desire you had for me prior to our meeting, even your Tinder notifications were blowing up and you were checking new matches; even when I only got from you were snide remarks like you didn’t fancy the perfume and polo I had on because it’s like I got them from an old person’s closet, that kissing me was like kissing an infant because of my small lips, that my body is like a twig I could break. You also jokingly-slash-sarcastically asked, “are you just pretending to eat two legs [animals]?” which I took offense because you knew that for the longest time and you didn’t make a comment until we met.

That time I began to sense the feeling was not mutual. It was as if you entertained me out of curiosity and respect only since I was already there with you and you had no choice but to play along. Perhaps you didn’t want to be rude to me. I sensed that because we never had a decent conversation. Apart from questions like “what do you want to eat” and “how far is this,” I got nothing else from you. But maybe I should have put more effort to create a conversation even you already came off as guarded.

Later that night you shared that you have reservations sleeping with another person so you’re just going to call me to come over the next day. That surprised me. Although I can understand your reason, it struck me as odd because it only came up when you got here all the while we had previously talked about sleeping in and staying in together, even discussed the pillow and covers situation when we were talking about this trip. This made me realize it was your way of letting me down.

Second day came, you called me up to come over. And I wish I didn’t because you only made me feel I was not welcome anymore. We barely spoke while I was there and you were on the couch watching on your laptop, at the same time constantly checking on your messages. It was as if I wasn’t there. It was very awkward. Good thing I had to leave for work.

We exchanged messages throughout that evening. I opened up about how I felt and told you to let me know if you don’t want me around because I can respect that. But you assured me that you do like having me around, your plans here include me and that you would not go anywhere without me. I believed you. I thought it was sweet, although big part of me knew you only said that because it was what I wanted to hear at the time.

You were supposed to give me call me today because you and I agreed to go to the mall, and then you’re going to meet someone after. So I woke up at 12PM and waited for your call. Hours passed and the phone never rang. I knew in my gut then that something was up. At 6PM I sent you a message and that’s when you told me you’re at the mall with the person you were supposed to meet after me, and you didn’t call because you wanted to hit two birds with one stone and you thought to let me rest more.

I wish you had informed me that your plans for the day had changed. A text message would have sufficed. But I guess you didn’t think of that because I was not important to you anyway. At least not anymore. Now I’m just someone you were going to see when it’s convenient and I was the person who ditched you on two occasions several years back so I deserved to be treated this way now.

I should’ve known better not to hope for the best with you. I should have not imagined romantic days ahead. I should have known to look before you fall.

I wish you can tell me what happened though. Why did it turn sour so suddenly? Did I scare you off? Was there something I did that turned you off? Please tell me.

Because I fell for you when you made me feel like I’m the only one. Well, I think I was until we met and you realized I was not the person you wanted to spend the rest of your visit in Manila with, and found someone else. Maybe not even someone else better. Just someone else. Because that’s what usually happens—people always find someone else.