Every day I wake up hoping there’s a message from you in my inbox. I always wish for a “good morning” message or “how was your sleep?” Even just a “Hi” would excite me. But no, I always welcome the day feeling defeated and disappointed that there’s nothing from you.
I still message you. I always do, to show you that I honestly care even it is clear that you don’t. I send you clever gifs so you would see the effort I put in my attempt to get noticed by you. I text you when my Facebook messages remain unread even you have been online all day to let you know that I can reach out to you in all methods and platforms available.
Just like clockwork, I spend most of my day thinking about you: how you’re doing, have you slept well, have you eaten yet, is work stressful again etc. And just like clockwork, you almost always never respond. When you do, it is always one-liners of “Thanks,” “Haha,” or a set of emojis and stickers; yet these one-liners still make me happy in the most pathetic, cliché way.
You know, I think a part of me knew the second I saw you that this would happen.
I knew you’re just another guy that showed interest in me because either you were bored or drunk or lonely or horny or a mix of all these at the time. I knew the moment you flashed that sweet smile that you’re trouble, and I’m willing to walk right into you anyway; knowing that I’m just one of the many other guys in your roster, waiting for your next sweet move to lure one or all of us in.
“You always make yourself available. Even you know he’s only going to want you when there’s no better offer on his table,” one of my best friends said to me when I told him about you.
Now I won’t demand for an answer why you make me feel like a dog always chasing after a piece of bone. But please tell me if it’s true that you only keep me around because I always make myself available to you.
Say that it is true so I can stop sending you messages. Say that it is true so I can rid myself off the wishful thinking that you like me too. Say that it is true so I can stop wanting you, before I get myself in too deep that I can no longer climb back up. Say that you only want me because I make myself readily available. Say it so I can give up; because my mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea.